Comeback maybe?

Here I am again, in front of my computer -every time I write a comeback post I'm using a different laptop- completely lost and anxious. I wanna see words flow and flow, my fingertips pressing up, down, left, right, ENTER, FRANTIC TYPING, ENTER, SPACEBAR, TYPO, BACKSPACE, TYPING, SPACEBAR, TYPING.
Fuck this shit.
What a bunch of nonsense.

You and I know that writing takes much more than that. Takes a feeling for a start. Something you wanna put down in words, something that can make little characters on a white screen dance in your head and hypnotize you. And that's what I'm lacking. A feeling. Or maybe, I'm just lacking of the right feelings. One can write about emptiness and despair, of course. But when it's due to something deep and meaningful. That's what makes pain beautiful. Where I stand right now, everything has become simply pointless. I once felt the smell of beauty in pain. I can't tell if I even feel pain anymore.

I've become all I've ever feared, but this shit ain't over.